This is in response to a Facebook post I came across a few days ago that I felt needed some attention. Here is the original post.
“I've been ghosted on WAY too many shoots this year. I'm chalking it up to unreliable people but for all of you that's worked with me before, what kind of other incentives can I throw out there to help with this? Free stuff isn't working anymore lol.”
This is a young man who thrives on helping others, contribution is one of his top psychological needs I found out after discussing this with him. He has gone above and beyond for those within his reach, and doesn’t understand why he is getting ghosted when he is providing his services for free. However, when reading through the comments on this post, I realized that perhaps many of us feel this way, that people ghost them for no reason and not knowing how to get people to stop ghosting them.
Ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by, suddenly and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication. This is common among those who are dating, and for those in business environments who are trying to build rapport, client base, and even market awareness for their particular industry. With this post I want to focus on the business/entrepreneurial side of ghosting.
The reality is most people are not worthless, inconsiderate, irresponsible, or any of those things. They lack the very things we have discussed; namely, recognition of their values, a true desire to succeed at what they say they want, and a belief that they can’t achieve it or something to that extent. You should not have to incentivize someone that truly wants to participate, to do what they claim they really want. The problem is that, like most people, they don’t REALLY want it. I am in a business that helps people overcome trauma, depression, anxiety, fears, limiting beliefs, etc., and I have no-shows. Why? Because I am too expensive? Nope. Because the problem they say is truly bothering them isn’t REALLY as bad as they claim, and it may in fact, be benefiting them in some way. As for you, recognize that everyone WANTS to be successful, famous, recognized, seen, but most will never do what it takes or even ask the questions that get them to a point of realizing what it is really going to take, so that they can do it.
For instance, people constantly bitch about the 1%. “Do they really need that much money?” “Why do they NEED more?” They don’t. The 1% are the 1% because they are the 1% (that’s redundancy but it is true). They would still be the 1% if you took all the money away. They would be the 1% in a truly socialist economy. They are the 1% because they work their fucking asses off, get fucking clear about what they want, and do what it fucking takes to get there and STAY there! Most people will be the 95%. The 95% is everyone that says they want more. They want more success, more money, more fun, better lives, more meaningful lives, and on and on, but they will NEVER do what it takes. Most won’t even bother to define what they want in the first place!!! Now that leaves 4% (I am making these numbers up but I imagine I am pretty accurate). The 4% shoot for the moon but don’t quite get there. They don’t become the 1%. So what?! They have enough and they are content. They may not even be in the top 4% financially, but I am talking about people now and am including attributes that are not just financial success. The 4% live lives that pursue their values, needs, etc. They may be financially wealthy but they may not be in all actuality.
Anyway, most of us spend our lives being the 95%. We spend our lives (with the 95%) bitching and complaining about other people, wishing we could be the 5%. We bitch about the 5%, the 1%, and everyone that has what we don’t. So keep kicking ass and moving forward. You only want to work with the top 5% in anything anyway. There is no need to incentivize them to do what they want and love, because if they truly want it, they will take advantage of every opportunity they can to get it.
