I was doing some thinking on my own life yesterday and how comparison of myself to others tends to creep up now and then. For me the thoughts are around goals that I want to accomplish. The questions go like this: Why is it that someone else accomplishes something faster than I do? Why am I not further ahead than where I am (fitness, career, finances, etc.)? I then decided to read an article that I printed several months ago that has been staring at me from the top of my desk. It seems to always make it to the top of the clutter somehow so I decided to take that as a sign and read the damn thing. The title is "Showing People They Are Not Worthless Individuals", by Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
In the article he discusses comparison and how doing so creates emotional disturbance. He uses a GREAT example by looking at the so-called 'geniuses' we often think of, Einstein, da Vinci, Michelangelo. I did a quick dictionary search for the definition of the word genius and found this: "a very smart or talented person : a person who has a level of talent or intelligence that is very rare or remarkable. : a person who is very good at doing something. : great natural ability : remarkable talent or intelligence" (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/genius).
That Definition Describes You
That describes a pretty amazing person. That definitely describes the Einsteins' and the da Vincis'. BUT.....IT ALSO DESCRIBES YOU AND ME! See, as Ellis points out, not even these guys were outstanding performers in every case, in every area of life, in everything! They messed up, they messed up a lot. Yes they were ‘genius’ at some things. They performed extraordinarily well at some things. There are many people today that perform extraordinarily well at some things. But NO-ONE, not a single person on earth does everything, or even most things, at a genius level. Perfection does not exist!
The point is this: When you begin to compare yourself to someone else remember that they have likely messed up as much as you and probably more because successful people are willing to screw up to become successful. They know their strengths, they build the weaknesses that are worth building, and ignore the rest.
You have to define your strengths and weaknesses
The key to success is identifying your strengths, work on the weaknesses that can actually become strengths, and ignore the rest. The problem comes when we begin to work on weaknesses that, at their very best, will produce average results or benefits. Think of it this way-If you have a weakness that on a 0-10 scale is a 4, and the best you can improve that is a 6, you have taken a weakness from below average to average. However, if you have a weakness that is a 6 or 7 and you can take that to an 8, 9, or 10, you have a weakness worth improving. You have to recognize the areas worth improving and then delegate the others to someone for whom your weaknesses are strengths.
Then Accept That You Are Valuable Just Because You Exist
You are not your accomplishments. You are not your screw-ups. You’re value has nothing to do with your bank account, your clothing, your fitness level, the car you drive, your career, your______ fill in the blank. Your value, your worthiness, exists because you do. Ellis stated,
“…Nor are there any heroes or heroines, any great people. These are fiction, myths which we fallible humans seem determined to believe in order to ignore the fact that we presently are, and probably will always be, highly inefficient, mistake-making animals. So if we want to be sensible, we’d better honestly admit that there are no geniuses or extraordinary people: there are merely individuals with exceptional deeds. And we’d better sensibly evaluate their acts rather than deifying-or as the case may be, devilifying- their personhood. People are always human, not gods or devils. Tough!- but that’s the way it is”.
