If we understand anxiety as typically resulting from fear of an unknown outcome or worry, it makes sense to first look at the thoughts behind this fear. This starts with identifying the thoughts. “What am I telling myself that is possibly contributing to my anxious feelings?” “Are the thoughts rational?” In other words, is the outcome that I am imagining a likely possibility, or am I engaging in awfulizing (assuming the event or outcome will be more than I can tolerate if it occurs)? Can I dispute these thoughts, or beliefs, that contribute to my worry? These are a few of the questions we can ask to begin to overcome any emotional disturbance. In addition to this, I believe we can limit anxiety by having a clear understanding of our values.
In my practice I often see people for reasons such as anxiety or depression, and rarely do we find a need for medication. After speaking with them for a period of time, we discover that there is usually some level of discontent with current life circumstances. Most people that come to me for therapy have some level of upset around where they think life should be or the direction life is going. This upset often has contributed to troubles in their relationships with others at home or at work. In addressing these issues, I like to start with an evaluation of their values.
When I ask people what they value, I usually get a response such as integrity, honesty, etc. What I am looking for in that question is what they love. If they could truly do what it is they would love to do, what would it be? There are a series of questions that can be asked to narrow these values down to a short list of their top values. I refer them to Dr. John Demartini's exercise for this clarification Once we have established these values, we can then begin to evaluate and see where they have been living life outside of these values. When people begin to see that they have been living their life based on what they were told they 'ought' to do by someone else or what they believed they 'should' be doing, they start to recognize the source of their emotional upset. At this point a real change can begin to take place.
As we recognize the important roles that thoughts, values, and psychological needs play in our lives, we can begin to take ownership of the direction of our lives. This direction is what most people are lacking. The increased sense of control that comes with a deeper understanding of who we are and why we do what we do, along with the right tools to help along the path, leads to a life of decreased worry and stress.
Have questions about taking the first steps to overcome your anxiety? Feel free to get in touch by sending me an email.
